It’s a hot day today, and I love it. Autumn used to be my favourite season, I loved the smell of woodsmoke and the excuse to wrap up warm, hating the summer quandary of trying stay cool without revealing too much of my alternately milk-white and angrily scarlet sunburnt skin. Now I’m middle-aged, I don’t really care so much, and like an overgrown cat I enjoy basking lazily in the warmth.
Today I attempted to do some weeding in the garden, which is as usual horribly overgrown. It was a bit too much exertion in the heat and I ended up lazing on the grass, soaking up the sun and the ambient sounds – far-off planes and sirens, but also bird song and the rustling of leaves in the gentle breeze.
As I lay there, I realised I had a feeling of well-being that I’d lost last year, when I was in a state of constant anxiety about my job and about my impending Lemtrada treatment. And I hardly dare to say it, but the Lemtrada seems, maybe, to have done some good. I don’t feel quite as tired, I seem to be a bit more clear-headed, and people keep telling me I look much better – maybe because I actually have the energy to put on some make-up most times I leave the house.
If this is a temporary effect, I don’t want to waste it. Being back at work has put some routine back into my life and I want to use that new routine to establish some activities that have a positive effect. We’ve started to designate Sundays as a day for a family activity – whether it be going for a pizza or visiting a National Trust property. Time having fun together is something we’ve all missed in the last year and it’s something I realise we need to make time for while we can.
I’ve also realised my long-neglected physio exercises need to become entwined into my life – because the Lemtrada doesn’t seem to have made any difference to my walking, and it looks like exercise is the only way I’m ever likely to regain any function in my leg. I’ve been taking ten minutes in the morning, when I’m just out of bed, to do some stretching and the other physio exercises I’ve been given – I hope that if I continue to do this it will become something I do automatically.
Above all, MS continues to teach me to live in the moment, and I feel quite lucky that my happy times are now all the happier for that reason. So I’m trying to enjoy every moment of this good time, who knows how long it will last?