Well, I was quite good at keeping this blog up to date for a bit. And then… well, it all caught up with me. It was fine when I was putting a brave face on everything in the whirlwind of adrenaline that followed my first scary medical appointments, but you can’t do that forever – not when you’re facing a change to your life that will affect you forever, ruin all the plans you had, make you stop being the person you want to be.
It was all very well counting my blessings, and telling myself we all get old and infirm one day, we all die one day – accept the change in circumstances because it’s just life. But ultimately, it turns out, I DON’T WANT TO. It’s been a summer of limbo – no appointments, a worrying increase in symptoms that I thought might put paid to working – and faced with the real life implications of what I’m dealing with I just couldn’t cope.
So like a three year old who hasn’t been giving the sweets they want I threw the toys out of my metaphorical pram and had a big sulk – I didn’t want to have MS, and I didn’t want to blog about it.
Why am I back? Well yesterday I finally saw an MS specialist and I have a diagnosis and a way forward (of which more in another post), that’s actually a bit more hopeful than I thought and I feel a bit stronger, and a bit more able to get on with life in general and specifically this blog.
Please forgive me for my unplanned absence, now hopefully I’ll be blogging a bit more frequently (though I’m not ruling out future pram-toy ejections – in fact I get the feeling that’s part of this whole MS journey).